Art of Moving On
by BigTimeRush-BTR
Summary: If two people are meant to be together, not even death will be able to tear them apart. - Mentions of Kogan. Kames/Kenlos/Jarlos bromance.


**It's been a while since I have updated anything on here, hasn't it? Hopefully this story can make up for it.**

**i'd like to dedicate this story to four of my closest friends. Ajay (BTRElevate24seven), Sara (winterschild11), Giselle (A. Martin), and Sarah (swagUPwindowsDOWN), this is for you. Love you guys so much. Thank you for always being there for me. :)**

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"I... I can't do it, James. I can't forget about him. No matter how much I try, the memories won't fade, and... neither will he. I just can't do it, and I don't think I'll ever be able to." Kendall closed his eyes as a fresh set of tears started to roll down his cheeks. "He meant everything to me... He still does."

James sighed, placing a hand on Kendall's back. "I know it hurts, Kendall. And I'm not telling you to forget him. I mean, how could you ever forget him? He was your first love after all-"

"My _only_ love," Kendall muttered, interrupting the brunette. "I can't- I'll never find anyone quite like him. He was special, beyond special to me. There was something unordinary about him that I loved. He was... He was my one and only..." He choked back a sob. "I miss him."

"Come here." James spread his arms out as Kendall closed the gap between them, allowing James to wrap his arms around him. He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall and placed his chin on top of Kendall's head. "It's gonna be okay, I promise." At his words, Kendall started to tremble in his hold. The blond let out a heart-shattering sob as he clung to the front of James' black sweater.

"I want him back... I-I need him back... There are so many things I n-never got to say to him." The younger boy let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes, looking up to meet James' hazel ones. "Do you think he knows how much I loved... l-love him?" Kendall corrected himself. He still loved Logan, very much so. The brunette was someone who had been his best friend since the third grade; his boyfriend since he was sixteen. He had been his very first love, and if he was honest with himself, he knew that he'd never love anyone as much as he loved Logan. They had a special connection, one that could not be broken, not even by death itself.

"Of course he does, Ken, and you know that. He loved you with all his heart. He still does, and I'm sure that he is looking down on you right now."

"How do you know that?" Kendall questioned as he brought a hand to wipe the tears away from his eyes.

"How do I know what?" James asked, confused.

"How do you know that he loved me? That he still does..."

James smiled. "Tell me, do you think he loved you? Don't you think the feelings he had for you were as real and mirrored the ones you had for him?" Kendall opened his mouth to respond, but James cut him off. "How did he make you feel?"

Kendall blushed at the question; his cheeks turning a rosy pink. He felt his heart flutter as he tried to go back and think about the way Logan made him feel when he was still around. "He... he made me feel like the luckiest boy in the world. He made me feel complete, as if I could do anything or conquer any obstacle that came my way, as long as he was by my side." A goofy smile came to his face, his heart seeming to beat twice as fast as before. But as soon as it had appeared, his smile was gone, being replaced by a look that made the brunette want to cry as well.

"Kendall?" he said in a small voice, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders and pulling him close.

"Now that he's gone... I feel incomplete; the way I felt whenever he wasn't by my side, except ten times worse," the blond muttered. "He made me feel complete, like he was my other half."

"That's probably because he _was_ your other half," James whispered softly. "In all my life, I had never met two people who loved each other as much as you loved Logan and as much as Logan loved you." The brunette paused, drawing in a breath. "Before you guys got together, I used to think love was something fools made up. I didn't use to believe in love," he mumbled. "But you and Logan- you two had something special. The way he would look at you, the way you would look at him... you could see the love in your eyes. And forgive me if this sounds totally girly, but it was something beautiful. Something I hope I can one day feel."

"James..."

James shook his head. "And it breaks my heart to know that Logan's life was cut so short. He was my brother, Kendall, much like you. And seeing you hurting is like a stab to my heart. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish that I could somehow bring Logan back." The taller boy bit down on his lower lip, refusing to cry in front of Kendall. He could see the tears welling up in the smaller boy's eyes, and it shattered his heart.

"I'm so sorry, Kendall..." Before he could bring Kendall back into his arms, the younger boy jumped up from the bed they were sitting on and ran towards the bedroom door. James didn't fail to see the tears that leaked from the boy's eyes.

"Kendall... Kendall!" James quickly got up and chased after the blond, before the door was closed shut right in his face.

"Just leave me alone!" Kendall shouted from the other side.

James hung his head in shame, finally letting the tears fall. He leaned his back against the door and slowly slid down, until he was sitting on the carpeted floor. There, he brought his knees up to his chest and leaned his forehead against them, wrapping his arms tightly around them, trying to seek some sort of comfort. Silent sobs escaped his throat as he failed to gain his composure.

"Why did you have to go?" he questioned bitterly into the air, once he had raised his head. "Why the fuck did you have to die, Logan? I hate you. Everyone is hurting because of you. Mama Knight has been stressed beyond belief. Carlos and Katie cry themselves to sleep in each other's arms every night, because they have nightmares about what happened. Kendall... Kendall's a wreck. He won't eat, he won't sleep. He has nightmares every night. He keeps reliving your death over and over again. I stay up with him, just like right now, hoping to somehow relieve some of the pain he is feeling. Hoping to bring a smile to his face, but it's pretty damn impossible to do so. His heart is broken, Logan. You broke his heart when you left. You took his heart with you; you took his happiness."

James sniffled, scrubbing furiously at his eyes, hoping to stop the continuous tears. Feeling anger bubble up inside of him, James got up and stomped over to the nightstand beside his bed, and started to search through the first drawer, where he kept pictures that he had gathered throughout the years. Finding the one he was looking for -one of him with Logan from when they lived in Minnesota-, he took it into his hands and ripped it in half, all the while letting tears fall from his eyes.

"James..."

Startled, the brunette jumped in surprise, the two pieces of the picture falling to the ground. "James, no." James looked down and turned around, meeting Carlos' eyes. The chocolatey eyes that were always filled with so much happiness were now void of emotion. The shorter boy's eyes seemed to dig into his soul, haunting him, reminding him so much of Logan's.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to..." Before he could say anything else, Carlos wrapped his arms around the brunette's torso and pulled him into a hug.

"I know, James. I know," he whispered. "We'll fix it, put it back together with some tape later, I promise." Letting go of James, the little Latino bent down and picked up the two pieces and placed them on the nightstand. "Kendall needs us right now. He's... He's a mess, James."

"He hates me-"

"Stop. James, you know that's not true. He's hurting. He needs us, both of us. Yes, he's going to push us away, he's going to yell, he's going to cry, he's going to break down, but he will never hate you, and you know it well." James nodded feebly. "Come on. It'll be okay."

Sighing, James followed Carlos out of the room. He could hear Kendall crying somewhere down the hall. "In the living room," Carlos answered his question before he could even say it out loud. James nodded and walked to the living room with Carlos by his side. There, snuggled up in a fuzzy blue blanket, sat Kendall, tears streaming down his face. As soon as he saw James, he cried even harder. The sound of Kendall's cries made James want to throw up.

"Kendall..." He took the few steps towards the couch and reached forward and laid a hand on the blond's shoulder, sighing in relief when Kendall didn't back away. "I'm so sorry, baby bro."

"No one's f-fault," Kendall choked out. "Please make it stop... Make the pain go away."

"It's gonna be okay, Kenny. You just gotta give it time. I know it hurts, but it'll become more bearable as time passes by," Carlos said, sitting down beside the crying boy. "And we're gonna help you. You're not alone in this, and you won't have to deal with it on your own. Not as long as you have us."

"B-but... I want L-Logie back..."

"He's not gone, Kendall," James whispered as he took the seat on the boy's other side.

"He's not? But James, he's... he's de-"

"As long as you keep him in your heart, he will never be completely gone. He's alive. In your heart he's alive, and one day you will get to see him once again."

"When? How long will it take?" Kendall asked brokenly, a small amount of hope shining in his eyes.

"Whenever the time is ready. But for now, you gotta keep on going. No matter how much it hurts, it will get better. Do you think Logan would want to see you sad? Don't you think he'd want you to be happy?" Carlos asked.

"Y-yeah."

"Well then, if you won't do it for yourself, do it for him, because he would want you to be happy. He would want to see you smile again." Kendall slightly smiled at Carlos' words, realizing that what he had said was very much true.

The blond sighed. "You're right. He would."

James turned to Carlos, smiling for the first time since Logan had passed away.

"If... If you guys don't mind, I'm going to try and get some sleep." Kendall wiped under his eyes and got up from the couch. He leaned down and hugged Carlos, then hugging James. "Thank you guys. I'll... see you guys in the morning."

"Goodnight, Ken. Call us if you need anything," James said as he watched the shorter boy walk back towards their bedrooms, realizing he probably needed some time to himself. Kendall nodded before slipping into the room he and Logan used to share.

Hugging the blanket close to his body, Kendall walked over to his bed and pulled out a picture from under his pillow. The picture was old, somewhat torn, but that was to be expected, considering it was over eight years old, and the blond took it everywhere. It was a picture from the day he and Logan had met in the third grade. In the picture both boys were smiling wide, arms slung over each other's shoulders. Kendall felt tears pricking at his eyes at the memory.

If only he would have known that that boy would become such a big part of his life. If only he had known he'd be the love of his life...

With a trembling hand, Kendall pulled up the pillow and placed the picture underneath it. He then grabbed the blue teddy bear sitting on his bed, and hugged it to his chest. Like the picture, it was worn out; missing an ear, with a few patches here and there, but he loved it nonetheless, because Logan had given it to him for his tenth birthday.

Forcing a smile upon his face, Kendall walked over to Logan's bed, pulled back the covers, and laid down. He curled up against his side, hugging the teddy bear tightly and turned to look out the window. "Goodnight, Logie. I love you," he whispered into the silence. He then closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to take him over.

"Goodnight, baby. I love you too."

Startled, Kendall opened his eyes, looking around the room in search for the source of the voice he knew so well. But there was nothing; only empty silence filled the room. Had he only looked behind him, would he have seen the silhouette of a very familiar brunette sitting on the edge of the bed, a picture held between his fingertips. Or more specifically, the picture James had ripped in half, only now it was no longer ripped but whole.

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**Like it? Dislike it? Hate it? What did you guys think?**

**~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)**


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